


better to be you

by paint_music_with_me



Category: Meow The Secret Boy, Welcome - Kdrama, Welcome - Webtoon
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, M/M, Minor Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:22:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23988820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paint_music_with_me/pseuds/paint_music_with_me
Summary: "The crash of the waves is as loud as the crash of white noise filling Jae Seon’s head. How can he feel this way for him? Hong Jo? A man? A cat? Whatever he is, these feelings should not be rising out of his stomach, into his heart, and into his head."or what if the beach scene from Ep 18 in "Meow the Secret Boy" was done a bit different?
Relationships: Lee Jae Seon/Hong Jo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	better to be you

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiiii
> 
> I AM SO SORRY I HAVE BEEN MIA FOR MORE THAN A YEAR!! Life has been throwing so many curveballs at me and I have an existential crisis nearly every week so my mind has been in the gutter. I am happy to inform you that I am still working on TBWM and I will be making it twice as long to make up for lost time! 
> 
> This fic was self-indulgence because this kdrama is wacky yet a bit emotional? It's weird so... 
> 
> Without further ado, I hope you enjoy my fic!

“I shouldn’t have left her. You were right. I should’ve done something.” 

Jae Seon regarded Hong Jo with a cold stare, jaw clenched. Hong Jo looked at him with hurt in his eyes. Those eyes that followed him for a month at the cafe, learning and teasing. They used to be full of content and fondness for him. So the hurt Jae Seon saw now stung his own heart but he can’t let himself be swayed anymore. How the beach and the sun setting behind Hong Jo was so beautiful despite how much anguish Jae Seon felt at this man was truly an ironic spectacle. Taking a deep breath, he took a step forward.

Hong Jo’s eyes widened slightly. Jae Seon steeled his expression, heart racing as he reached towards the man’s necklace underneath his turtleneck. In his hands, it felt warm against the beach breeze. Jae Seon couldn’t help but remember how warm Hong Jo is, whether he was a cat or a man. 

Embarrassed at this thought, Jae Seon yanked the necklace off Hong Jo’s neck. The other man flinched, panicked, his eyes darting between Jae Seon and the only thing to keep him in his human form besides Kim Sol Ah herself. 

The crash of the waves is as loud as the crash of white noise filling Jae Seon’s head. How can he feel this way for him? Hong Jo? A man? A cat? Whatever he is, these feelings should not be rising out of his stomach, into his heart, and into his head. The feeling of jealousy to know that Hong Jo wanted to see the ocean for the first time with Kim Sol Ah or whenever she held him close to her. The feeling of warmth flooding his chest when he sees Hong Jo play with the overhanging plants in the cafe even though he tells him not to in case the pot fell on him, or that time he fell asleep on Jae Seon’s shoulder on the bus from getting groceries. He definitely shouldn’t be feeling anything when he and Hong Jo have those late night talks about Kim Sol Ah or life or anything, really. This secret between them from her. It grew into a friendship and maybe something more that Jae Seon is not ready to ….

“Jae Seon-ah. What are you doing?” 

Jae Seon clenched the necklace in his hand, hard enough it hurt. The breeze was cooling the warmth of the leather. He met his eye to Hong Jo, seeing the panic and fear. It made him sick that he did that to this cat, this man. Jae Seon took a step forward, making the other step back. 

“What do you think will happen if I throw this into the ocean?” He looked down at the necklace in his hand in anguish. He hated how shaky his voice was. “Maybe after that, I’ll just leave you here. Then you won’t be able to see Kim Sol Ah again.” 

Despite how worried Hong Jo’s eyes were, his body seemed frozen. Unmoving. Like he was ready to pounce on Jae Seon when he saw an opportunity. 

“You’ll live the rest of your life as a cat.” Casting his gaze away towards the ocean, Jae Seon said to himself, “This was always the solution . . .” It  _ was _ a solution he always contemplated whenever he got Hong Jo alone. How easy it could be to rip the necklace off his neck and carry Hong Jo into the car and drive away. Just drop him in a place he doesn’t know and leave him there. 

“I heard that when people throw away the pets they’ve raised, they abandon them in unfamiliar places far from home.” Shocked, Jae Seon turned back to Hong Jo. The man’s eyes were downcasted, a look of beaten acceptance on his face. It made Jae Seon clench his jaw. His heart pinched as he internally scolded himself.  _ Stupid! You were going to do the same . . . thing. . . that they did to you _ . Hong Jo fiddled with a loose string of his coat between his fingers. “So that way, they can’t come back.”

Jae Seon bit his inner cheek, ashamed. The silence was so deafening. Fearing the blush of his cheeks would show, he looked back to the untamed ocean. How chaotic the water was, always at odds with the calm, steady shore. It was like his own desire. The waves are always lapping to the shore despite how much it pulls away. Like his need to be near Hong Jo despite everything including his allergies telling him he shouldn’t. 

“You should do that.” 

Eyes wide, Jae Seon faced Hong Jo again. He opened his mouth to say something but Hong Jo held a hand up to stop him. His gaze was unwavering, staring so deep into Jae Seon like he could see every inch and corner of his heart. 

“Meeting Sol Ah and being with her all this time was thanks to you. If you hadn’t picked me up, I could have died.” 

Jae Seon was speechless. Blinking, his eyes darted between Hong Jo and the ground, trying to fathom why he felt guilty, jealous, and so utterly lost. His gaze went right back to Hong Jo, trying to understand what exactly he is trying to say. 

“Throw it. You can do it.” Hong Jo nodded his head to the ocean, nonchalant. Jae Seon wanted to scream. He can’t tell what this creature wanted from him. He doesn’t want to throw the necklace. He should. But he can’t. “What are you waiting for? Just throw it.” 

The anger and confusion bubbled over, pricking Jae Seon’s eyes with tears. “Should I? If I throw it right now, will I be able to make things right?” He looked down at his hand, still in a fist around the necklace. “Will Sol Ah come back to me?” 

“If she does, don’t run away this time.” It unnerved Jae Seon to see Hong Jo regard him with such a firm look, his eyes full of understanding. Understanding Jae Seon’s fear of abandonment and of love. But does he? Does he understand the turmoil raging inside Jae Seon’s heart at this moment, especially towards Hong Jo himself? That the waves of his emotions are close to drowning him beneath the surface? 

“Don’t be scared that she’ll abandon you either.” 

Jae Seon scrunched his eyebrows together, feeling defensive. “Aren’t you afraid? Weren’t you abandoned too? How can you remain so calm?” He waved his hands around before settling them on his hips, exasperated. Pacing in front of Hong Jo, Jae Seon felt buzzed with raging feelings. The feeling of fear was sinking deeper, like an anchor. “You could die.” His voice cracked at the last word. 

Hong Jo rolled his eyes, refraining a deep sigh. “So are you going to throw it out or not?” 

The anger heated up again. Jae Seon gritted his teeth, turning to throw the necklace into the ocean. Who cares if Hong Jo remains a cat? Who cares if the only person to make him human is the woman Jae Seon abandoned in love? Who cares if Jae Seon felt better than he had in a long time to have someone who understands the pain he feels everyday? Who cares if there is a chance that he let Hong Jo too far into his own heart that he can’t get him out? He stretched his hand to throw as hard and as far as he could. But just as he was about to, Jae Seon focused ahead at the ocean. A memory of the first time that Hong Jo will see the ocean as a human is a memory of him being abandoned again. 

Jae Seon felt his heart clench painfully. He rolled the necklace between his fingers, the body warmth from Hong Jo gone and replaced with the sweat from his own anxiety. Heaving out a sigh, he lowered his arm and closed his eyes. Jae Seon looked to Hong Jo in anguish, opening his hand out to him. “Take it.” 

Hong Jo’s eyes were wide with surprise. He didn’t move, staring merely at the necklace in Jae Seon’s hand, tangled together. A moment passed before Hong Jo explored his expression with open curiosity like he expected a trick. Jae Seon couldn’t stand it and finally reached over to grab Hong Jo’s hand to put the necklace in it. But as he pulled away, Hong Jo’s fast reflexes grabbed his hand in a tight grip. Not enough that it hurt, but firm, not letting go. 

Confused, Jae Seon looked between their hands to Hong Jo’s piercing gaze. “W-What?” His heart began racing faster and his breathing was shallow, his face burning. Can he blame it on the cold? Is it cold enough that his face is red? “Let go, Hong Jo.” He tried to pull his hand away, but Hong Jo’s grip was strong. 

“Why didn’t you do it? Why didn’t you get rid of me? Abandon me?” With each question, Hong Jo got louder and stronger, pulling Jae Seon closer to his body, despite the other man’s struggle. They were nearly nose to nose, the cold air puffs of their breaths heating each other’s mouths like a secret kiss. The fear grew in the cat’s eyes, bigger that it could swallow the both of them. 

“I- it’s - Hong Jo, let go - I can’t -!” Jae Seon struggled with words. They wouldn’t come out. He doesn’t want them to, because they are not the ones he wanted to say. Everything was happening so quickly that if he said anything, confessed anything, it wouldn’t sound . . . right. He shut his eyes, the tears threatening to come out. His allergies? Are they really coming out right now? 

“Tell me, Jae Seon! You’ve been wanting to keep me away from Kim Sol Ah for so long, even before you found out! Here’s your opportunity! Get rid of me! Throw me away!” Hong Jo’s controlled anger heated Jae Seon’s cheek where he was pulled close to him. Then resting gently, the man’s forehead touched Jae Seon’s temple, releasing a deep sigh. 

Jae Seon couldn’t take it anymore. “I can’t!” He shoved himself away from Hong Jo, the necklace falling to the wooden floor of the bridge. He stared daggers at the damned thing, letting everything he has been feeling for the past month and a half spill from his mouth. “I can’t throw you away. I don’t want to! I never meant to feel this way for you!” He heaved his breathing, his heart about to spill from his mouth, onto the deck where Hong Jo could see and paw at it. “You think I like feeling this angry and jealous all the time? Seeing you with her, with Kim Sol Ah, made me feel horrible! I thought it was because I still wanted to be with her. Hell, maybe I still do! But there was you!” Jae Seon looked to Hong Jo, his eyes wide, tears welling up. Hong Jo was surprised, his coats ruffled up from the push, his breathing heavy, mouth open in shock. Jae Seon shut his eyes, making fists at his sides, letting the dig of his nails into his palm center his mind at least a little bit. “You made it feel different. I hate it when I have to sneeze because of you, but knowing you were near made me feel better. To see you smile at the customers or cock your head when you don’t understand a cafe term I tell you or when I -” Jae Seon choked on his words, his hands coming to cover his mouth. His eyes were wide with fear and shock. Did he just reveal his feelings to Hong Jo? Fuck. 

Jae Seon couldn’t stay another second on that bridge with Hong Jo. Dropping his hands, he turned around to run away. Of course, he was going to run away again. It just made sense to do it. Just shut everything and everyone out again and reset himself because how embarrassing is this? 

Suddenly, he felt something strong wrap around his body, locking his arms at his sides. A force held him in place on the bridge, unable to move further. Jae Seon looked down to see a pair of arms holding him, a warmth spreading across his back. He tried wiggling out of Hong Jo's grasp, but the man kept his stance. 

"Let me go, Hong Jo!" 

"No!" 

A silence floated with the breeze, rustling their hair. The warmth of the cat-man on his back made Jae Seon shiver. He definitely shouldn’t be feeling anything. It’s supposed to be Kim Sol Ah, right? Only her. She is the one who never left him alone and would look at him with those puppy eyes of fondness and adoration. He can’t possibly want Hong Jo’s attention as well. Is he so messed up that he is seeking attention from a cat?

“I lied.” 

Jae Seon froze in Hong Jo’s grasp.  _ What does that even mean? Everything is already so confusing, what is this cat talking about? _

“I remember you taking care of me. I remember you holding me when you found me on that parkside bench in the middle of winter. I remember the vet visits, the smiles, the whispers, and everything.” Hong Jo’s hands moved to turn Jae Seon around to face him. The surrealism of the whole situation made Jae Seon malleable to focus on Hong Jo, eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. Hong Jo’s eyes looked down on their hands, tangled together. His tone was steady and slow. “I lied about how much I remember you. I lied because I thought you didn’t seem to care after I became human. But after being with you for a while, I see that you do. You care for me. You worry over me.” He looked up to Jae Seon’s eyes, full of love, that shocked Jae Seon to his core. “You love me.” 

Jae Seon closed his eyes, pushing back the hope swelling in his heart. He can’t afford this hope to grow. There were too many factors against whatever Hong Jo is suggesting. It was too much of a risk. He can’t do it again. He barely recovered with Kim Sol Ah. Suddenly he felt a warm palm cover his cheek. 

He opened his eyes to see Hong Jo with a small smile. His eyes were filled with love and understanding. “I love you, Lee Jae Seon.” 

Against everything he ever thought possible, Lee Jae Seon leaned forward and kissed Hong Jo. He brought his hands to cup the other man’s face gently, brushing his own thumbs across his skin. Even if everything was confusing for the moment, kissing Hong Jo felt right and warm and everything Jae Seon needed to breathe. 

Hong Jo didn’t back down from the kiss. If anything, he kissed back! Taking a deep breath through the nose, he pushed towards Jae Seon like he was scared that he would back away again. Scared that the other man will run away again and leave him behind. He won’t allow that to happen, not with Kim Sol Ah and not with Jae Seon!

Jae Seon felt Hong Jo wrap his arms around his neck and bring them closer. The breeze suddenly blew a strong gust at them, pushing them against the rail of the bridge. Bringing his hands on either side of Hong Jo, Jae Seon steadied them both against the wooden rail, brought further down to keep kissing the other man. 

It was clear that Hong Jo never kissed anybody. His movements were sloppy but ambitious, his lips experimenting how to move against Jae Seon’s. He tilted his head this way and that to get a better angle. Jae Seon was surprised at how resilient he was. He was learning and getting better at it with each soft kiss exchanged. 

It was moments before they broke away from each other, albeit reluctantly. They both were breathing a bit heavy, the chilly air a stark contrast to their warm make out. When Jae Seon opened his eyes, he looked to the ocean and couldn’t believe that the sun had already set behind the horizon. They’ve been making out for that long? The waves lapped at the shore like a teasing applause at his slow realization. Besides the waves, everywhere was calm and ambivalent noise. 

“She’s probably looking for us.” 

Jae Seon looked to Hong Jo incredulously, who stuffed his hands into his coat pockets and was looking at him so innocently. As if they hadn’t been making out for maybe half an hour. His face seemed to be red, but it could be the coming darkness that was playing tricks on his mind. The cat-man cocked his head to the side, his left eyebrow raised. “What?” 

“How can you remain so calm? We just -” Jae Seon started to gesture wildly between the two of them. His mind seemed to catch up with the events of the past half hour. “Hong Jo, what about -”

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.” Hong Jo pulled out his hand from his coat pocket and outstretched it to Jae Seon. He looked at him with a reassuring smile, wiggling his fingers to Jae Seon to take. 

Yes, there was definitely a lot for them to figure out. Especially how Kim Sol Ah will understand this mess. But when Jae Seon grabbed Hong Jo’s hand and felt him squeeze his hand, a small smile couldn’t help but spread upon his own face. His heart felt lighter than it did in ages. 

“Oh, right.” Hong Jo stopped, pulling his other hand from his pocket. He held it out to Jae Seon, who was again caught off guard. In his hand was the leather necklace with Kim Sol Ah’s ring looped around it. Jae Seon arched his eyebrow, looking between Hong Jo’s small smile and the piece of jewelry. “Put it back on me, dummy. You’re the one who yanked it off.”

“Oh . . .” Nodding, Jae Seon let go and reached for the necklace, untangling it. It felt warm again since it was held by Hong Jo. Luckily the ring didn’t get lost during the scuffle earlier in the day. It would’ve made the both of them feel guilty for losing something so precious to Kim Sol Ah. 

Once he untangled the cord, he turned Hong Jo around so his back was to his own front. Then Jae Seon wrapped the necklace around, tying off the leather in a double knot behind. Stepping back, Hong Jo turned around, all smiles with the necklace on full display. It made his stomach do backflips to see how happy Hong Jo was. 

Maybe whatever this was, it wouldn’t be so bad. Yeah, there was the issue of Hong Jo being a cat and that he will age faster than Jae Seon and Kim Sol Ah. There was also the issue of how he and Hong Jo both feel for Kim Sol Ah. But Jae Seon cannot deny that this was something meant to be. How Kim Sol Ah found Hong Jo as a boy and gave him her scarf, then Jae Seon found him as a kitten with the scarf. All of these miscommunications led them back to each other with Hong Jo. 

Jae Seon held out his hand, a small smile on his face. Hong Jo stared at him with such fondness before interlocking their fingers together. He pulled Jae Seon to follow him off of the bridge. 

“Let’s go home to Kim Sol Ah.”

Together, the two of them walked off the bridge into town in search of Kim Sol Ah. Their hands clasped so tight together, no one who noticed them would not mistake what kind of relationship they have together. The soft laughter filled the night air and floated through the clouds like balloons. 

Then there was the sound of rushing waves in the distance echoing like a heartbeat. A steady heartbeat. A heartbeat at home. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you've made it this far, thank you for reading! I very much appreciate it :) 
> 
> Please leave a kudo or a comment and let me know what you thought. I'm always open for constructive criticism.


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